Write Things: On Why Regret Is Better Than Guilt

Write Things Newsletter: On Guilt vs. Regret

Hello writers,
As you take new steps toward your goals, you’ll encounter new obstacles. Personally, today’s topic is one I recently recognized in myself, so I wanted to share it.

It’s part of a bigger discussion, so if you have any questions don’t hesitate to reach out. Otherwise, I hope you take something meaningful from it.

By the way, I’ll be on CBC again this Sunday for anyone interested. I’ll share the link in the next newsletter. 😊

Hope you enjoy.

The Shift

Here, in my 42nd year of life, I’ve recognized a new pattern.

I justify “shoulding” myself (make sure you read that correctly 😅) when things are important to me. I do it with my business and my personal writing.

And 9 times out of 10, I listen to that “should” and do what it’s telling me.
But in those times when I ignore it, I experience a great deal of guilt—and sometimes shame.

Does this mean I made the wrong choice?
Yes—but not in the way you might think.

You see, that “should” is the voice of perfectionism. It’s the voice of the inner critic convincing me that I’ll be a failure if I don’t act. That I’ll fall short or never accomplish my dreams. That I’m not cut out to be a writer or an entrepreneur unless I do.

And every time it says, “Jump!” and I respond with, “How high?” I’m strengthening and reinforcing that perfectionism—even if it gets me doing something important, something that matters to me.

Correction: especially when it gets me doing something important.

The quality of the work done from this place of perfectionism is another discussion altogether—but what I want to focus on today is the experience of doing the work this way.

When you act on a “should,” it feels like you’re whipping yourself. The work is often stressful, draining, and leaves you feeling exhausted. Not fulfilled—just relieved.

Yes, you might be glad you wrote or completed the task, but is that the kind of relationship you want with the things that matter most to you?

It doesn’t have to be.

Here’s the shift:
When you’re experiencing a “should” moment, stop and do these two things before making any decision:

First, you’re only “shoulding” yourself because what you want to do matters. Congratulations! You have something that matters to you—and the ability to pursue it! Woo hoo!

Second, ask yourself if you truly want to be writing (or whatever the “should” is pushing). Then just listen. Wait.

The inner critic will yell and shout all sorts of things like, “You’re wasting time!” or “You’re procrastinating!” But we’re not listening for its voice. We’re listening for the voice of our inner truth—the part of us where our dreams and true preferences reside.

“What would I prefer to be doing right now?”

The answer will be quiet and soft. And when you hear it, you’ll know it’s true.

Then, make a choice.

If you choose not to write, work, etc., and afterwards you feel guilt—that’s just the critic. Repeat the above. Remind yourself this matters to you. Then ask: how do I feel about not writing?

Your inner truth will either say, I’m fine (yay, you made the best choice for you!) or you might feel regret.

Regret is not guilt.
Regret is quiet. It comes from your inner truth, and it’s a simple acknowledgement that yes, in retrospect, you would have preferred to write.

No self-criticism. No self-loathing. No “I screwed up” inner talk. Just a recognition that, if given the opportunity to choose again, you’d choose differently.

Great information. No guilt or shame attached.

Next time you’re in the same spot, maybe you decide to quiet the critic and then write. Maybe you quiet the critic and go for a bike ride.

But you can choose to keep guilt and shame out of the decision-making process—unless you want them to continue calling the shots.

Me? I prefer the voice of my inner truth.

Your Next Four Minutes

Prompt: “That may be true, but what do I want?”

The next time a “should” shows up on your doorstep, take a moment to pause and listen before acting. If it says “Jump!” you say, “If and when I’m ready.”

You have every right to enjoy your writing—to enjoy your life. The joy in our writing doesn’t have to be reserved for the day we publish!

Finding out what’s in your way is a step toward enjoying the process every single day.

New to quick-writing?
It’s simple:

• Find a space where you can focus.
  
  
• Turn off your phone, close the door, and grab something to write with—pen and paper or a keyboard.
  
  
• Set a timer for four minutes and write continuously on the prompt above.
  
  

If you get stuck, write the prompt again until something shifts. You might free-write your thoughts, explore your self-talk, or even start a scene.

You can turn it into a story, use it to clarify your next step, or keep going for another four minutes. It’s up to you.

Either way, you’ll have written for four minutes—and that’s what writers do.
They write.

Thank you to everyone who’s shared this newsletter with a fellow writer or friend. It means the world to me.

Wishing you and your stories all the best,
Trevor Martens
Founder, I Help You Write Things

P.S. This mindset work is ongoing. As we accomplish new feats and reach new levels, new resistances and challenges arise.

If you’d like to pursue your writing dreams with this kind of support, I’d love to have you join as a founding member of the Write Things Community. Twice a month, I host group mindset calls to help keep us focused on our true north—our individual writing goals and dreams.

It’s an opportunity to work with me 1:1, get the personalized support you need to write the stories you’re here to write, and experience this journey the way you want to.

Registration closes June 30th (or when our registration cap of 30 is met, whichever is sooner), and won’t open again until October 1st.

If you have any questions about whether this is right for you, you can learn more here.

If writing is a dream you dare to acknowledge and pursue, I would love to work with you.